In times of struggle, I realize that I am essentially alone.
I’ve been playing out this scenario in my head for the last few days. I pack my bags and go back home, knock on my mother’s door, beg for her forgiveness, and she takes me in and I have a family again. But she wouldn’t do that, because I broke her rules and betrayed her. I ran away from home and let people know what she did to her children. I’ll never be her daughter again.
I’m just so desperate. I’m alone.
When others are struggling, they have people to turn to, family to lean on, a significant other to cry with. I don’t have any of that. My family is gone, and I am alone. I struggle alone. I cry alone. I suffer alone. Alone. Alone. Alone.
I’m constantly reminded of why I can’t trust people. Then I feel even more alone. Trapped and alone. Living life, barely scraping by, and by the end of the day I am completely drained. I’m not even sure why I keep going through the motions. Does any of this even have a point?
I’m drowning in debt, some of it that isn’t even mine. I’m in school for something that I’m not even sure I can handle. I spend most nights wondering when it will all end. When will my struggle end?
Yes, I’m being selfish and pitiful right now. I’m tired of getting shat on in life while undeserving fuckheads get shit handed to them that they don’t even need or deserve. What the fuck. This is not a life I want.
I have no stable home base. I have no family. I’m losing all of my connections to the life I lived for so long.
What did I do wrong?