Significance

Have you ever wondered why certain dates are so significant?

I mean, most people know why a date is special. Why they feel a certain way on a certain day. Maybe it’s someone’s birthday. Maybe it’s the anniversary of someone’s death. Maybe it was the date that something particularly impactful happened to you so many years ago, enough that you still feel it years later.

But what do you do when you have no idea why a certain date is so significant?

I have no memories of April 25th. I don’t understand why it is important to me in any way, or why it would matter. It’s nobody’s birthday. It’s nobody’s death anniversary. I don’t remember anything happening to me on that date.

Yet three times over the years of my life, on April 25th, I have tried to kill myself (and failed, obviously).

Is that coincidence? Possibly. But what are the chances?

I’ve tried so hard to remember some type of significance for that date. What the hell happened to me? Something had to have happened. But will I ever remember anything? Do I even want to remember?

It’s funny how trauma and DID affects the brain. Clearly, a part remembers something. And here I am, not remembering shit. And it’s frustrating. And terrifying. And I hate it.

2 thoughts on “Significance

  1. I’ve tried to kill myself twice on the same date for no apparent reason, so I understand feeling crazy out of control and not knowing why. Can you or your therapists or your WordPress supports do something to help you get through that day?

    Like

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