Sleep

I didn’t sleep at all last night. I’ve gotten four hours of sleep since Saturday. My head hurts. My brain hurts. My body is weak.

I just ate two packets of sugar in hopes that it will get me through work today. I have a video blog due tomorrow that I don’t even think I can do because I don’t want to go home.

I’m contemplating sneaking in the movie theatre this afternoon just so I can take a nap in peace. At least the seats are comfortable there. At this point, I could probably sleep anywhere. Even the hospital sounds more comfortable and safe than home.

Part of me feels like this is all punishment for running away. She always did say we could never live without her. But on a deeper level, I know that’s not the truth.

My inside is in chaos right now. They are scared as much as I am. They don’t understand it. I’ve failed to protect them once again.

Failure.

4 thoughts on “Sleep

  1. Oh, how can you possibly say you failed them? You removed yourself and those inside you from that house of torment. Your insiders protected you while you were growing up. In return you are now trying to protect them and you have done a wonderful job. The number one priority was removing all of you from the presence of your mother, and you have successfully done that. I have a little insider that I’ve always referred to as The Little Red Haired Girl. She is the one who bears the hurt, the guilt, the shame, the pain, the sadness, the confusion, and so much more because the mother she needed to love and protect her was one of her abusers and allowed much of the other abuse to happen. I want to show The Little Red Haired Girl the love and the protection she never knew, but she won’t let me near her. All you and I can do is to try our best to care and protect those who once had the jobs (and often still do) of caring and protecting us. You said you were taking it one day at a time. That’s the best any of us can do.

    Liked by 1 person

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