Why?

I’m exhausted, but I’m too scared to close my eyes. I’m afraid to go to sleep.

Last night was horrible. Nightmare after nightmare. At one point I woke up doused in sweat; my skin felt like it was on fire. It wasn’t even hot in the house. The heat was coming from inside me, like a fire burning whatever was left of my soul.

Whatever sleep I had was ruined by the nightmares, the memories, the pain. The day hadn’t even started and I was already drained. I cried walking to the bus stop. I cried at work. I cried on the bus going home from work. I cried at home. The tears don’t even help. They can’t take away the pain in my heart. They don’t stop the memories from invading my mind. They just give me a headache.

I don’t have time to cry. I have a job to do. I have essays to write. I have bills to pay, money to pull from the sky, and people to check on. There’s no time to cry. Suck it up.

Why can’t I just get over it?

13 thoughts on “Why?

  1. I feel ya! I had nightmares last night. A suggestion……don’t know if it will even help but it doesn’t hurt to check it out. I just started TRE – Trauma Release Exercises. They are suppose to help relieve some of the stress and trauma trapped in one’s body. Look it up. Like I said I don’t know if it’ll help or not, I just started it and had a nightmare last night so……..

    Hope things get better for you soon!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I just started TRE this month (September) and am surprised at the release it provides me. One of my favorite things about it is that from the very beginning, you are taught to control the length and intensity of the tremor you are inducing. You can stop it if you want, or slow it down. I’m excited about it.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Jules: IT SO SUCKS. I so agree: “Why can’t I just get over it?”
    “The only way out is through.”
    The only thing that does not suck about that saying is that it does imply that one day maybe I will be out.
    Keep on keeping on. Love -TS

    Like

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