What do I deserve?

I don’t know what I deserve.

I was abused for 29 years and 4 months of my life and then I ran away, thinking that would surely be the end of it.

But then I found myself in a situation that is in some ways eerily similar to my past life. And it sets off panic inside me. So much so that I chose to run away from my life last night.

I’m breaking down at work. I’m breaking down at school. I’m breaking down in the bathroom. I’m breaking down everywhere. And I don’t need to be.

There’s so much I need to write about. So much I need to think about. But I can barely write because I am without a computer right now. It seems like everything happens at once, and then God likes to throw you some random extra thing just to fuck with you a little more.

I’m hanging on by a very thin thread. Very. Thin. Thread.

3 thoughts on “What do I deserve?

  1. It’s hard to move ahead in life without a secure base, a solid family to rely on. But you are. Breathe, and tell yourself it’s OK, over and over. Or, “I’m OK.” Breathe deeper and slower. Our feelings and thoughts can consume us, or it feels like they do, but they can’t. You’re moving forward. You’re OK.

    Liked by 1 person

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