I hear everything.

Part of my PTSD makes me extremely alert to sounds in my environment.

This can be a good thing. It can keep me out of possibly dangerous situations and keep me safe. But it can also be a bad thing.

Yesterday at work, I became overstimulated. I was already stressed out by the amount of work I had, there were unknown people going in and out of the door right by me, a lot of voices, and an extremely loud vacuum. I just couldn’t take it anymore and I started to have an emotional reaction. I couldn’t focus on anything because there was just way too much going on around me and I felt unsafe. I almost wish I had earplugs just to shut myself off from it all. So yea, not a positive experience of the effects of PTSD.

I also have sensitive hearing. I will startle awake with any sound and stay awake if it continues. So then I end up laying in bed all night wide awake. At times, frozen in fear. I could be exhausted and still not sleep. You can’t sleep if it’s not safe.

And I’m exhausted. And I have so much schoolwork to do. And reading. And I come to work looking very obviously exhausted and my anxiety and panic attacks have been increasing. Even though I do great work, I’m an emotional mess.

I’m tired. I want to close my eyes and put ear plugs in and just not know anything that happens in my world anymore. Maybe that will be safer.

4 thoughts on “I hear everything.

  1. This happens to me, too but when I am with my kids. In my head it sounds like everything is magnified and there’s no escape from the noise. Everyone is talking, one of them has the radio on and the phone is ringing then an argument starts. It’s like I can feel myself mentally break apart. In the past I have even run downstairs to get my husbands very large industrial noise reduction head phones. If that’s not available then (unfortunately) my husbands knows to find me curled up in the bathroom with my doll. Yep, it sucks.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh I’m sorry to hear that dear, I have the same problem! However I get much more sleeping problems than getting triggered by too much noise! I sleep with ear plugs but often I still can hear all around me! My psychiatric prescribed me some very strong addictive sleeping pills and not even taking them I manage to have a good night sleep! I hope you will be able to catch up with your tiredness and feel better! XO Nina

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