20 weeks (and one day)

I…am exhausted.

I’ve been working every day. In a way, it’s good because it keeps me busy. But I’m so drained. I haven’t been feeling well, and I don’t know if it’s because I’m getting sick, not sleeping right, or not eating right.

I’ve also gone a whole week without therapy. I haven’t gone this long without a session since I’ve been down here. I think I handled it will. I didn’t bother emailing my therapist, even though there were a few instances when I really wanted to. But she deserves a holiday and a break from me. I feel like I have so much to go over now, though. I had to make a list because so much has gone on since last week. Why is it that everything happens at the same time? I feel like I need therapy every day just to catch up.

I don’t even know where to start in writing about what has happened.

I will say that I did reach out to people before Thanksgiving. I text a picture of myself with the cat. It was a nice picture. I was genuinely happy and smiling. I sent it to people knowing that one of them may show my mother. But I was okay with that. I wanted these people to see how happy I was. I wanted my mother to see how happy I was without her. It was foolish thinking, for sure.

I managed to make it through the week.

I’ll make it through another.

It’s what I do.

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